Liz Erk (lizerk) wrote,
Liz Erk
lizerk

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So many ways to NOT say "Thank You"

Since I work, like, a gazillion hours a day, I really don't have time to drive out to Hallmark. So, when it comes time to buy a card for a particular occasion, I'm forced to rely upon the whims of CVS. This is not such a good thing when you're trying to buy a "Thank You" card, I discovered today.

I wanted to send Sarah's Dad a card that thanked him for a great weekend. I just wanted it to be simple, but not overly simple. Just something to say, "Thanks, I totally appreciate how nice you are and hope to see you again."

But CVS doesn't allow that. You either have to be really generic with captions that read, "Thanks! You're tops!" Or be really sappy, such as, "Your overwhelming kindness has touched me in ways that you can never truly understand..."

Ew. I'm sure that would speak volumes to reflect the sheer embarrassment I felt upon discovering Sarah's pink bra that was forgotten by the pool after a drunken night of swimming. We found it after we saw Sarah's Dad returning from a morning swim the next day, which meant he knew what we had been up to. He didn't say anything, but later that evening his girlfriend said, "Oh, yeah. Sarah, your Dad said you two had loads of fun last night! He saw your bra next to the pool this morning. He couldn't stop laughing. Said you two must have gone through 2 bottles of wine..."

Anyway, the best card was, "Thank you from the bottom of my butt!" Then you opened it and it said, "Because it's bigger than my heart!"

Umm... pass.

Finally I settled on this corny Dr. Seuss themed card that said, "Would you? Could you?" Then the inside showed a Seuss character riding on a Lorax that was on all fours with the caption, "You could and you did! Thanks!" (something dumb like that)

It honestly was the best I could do, so I decided to doctor it with pictures of Cher from a recent People magazine. I cut the head off of a blond Cher and stuck it over the Lorax on all fours. Much better.

Then I cut out the picture of a back view of Cher in her "Turn Back Time" get up. You know, the see through tights with the thong corset. I stuck that on the blank side and put a balloon next to Cher's head that read, "If I could turn back time, I'd still be in Florida! Ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"

I suppose that wasn't much better, but at least it added a personal touch, right?

Ahem.
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