Liz Erk (lizerk) wrote,
Liz Erk

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Yellow seXterra vs. Yellow clAudi

I have a VERY tight schedule today. It's brutal. I'm currently shoveling sushi in my face as I type this before my next appointment.

So imagine how angry I was when a woman in an ugly pastel-yellow Audi cut me off and stole my parking spot in the HW suburbia parking lot!

She was an HW member, so I knew I'd see her in the gym. She yelled something at me as she got out of her car. In return, I called her an "obnoxious whore," but I don't think she heard me.

While I was setting up with my client, I saw the Yellow Audi Whore enter the Fitness Floor in a heinous pair of aqua-striped spandex shorts and sports bra number. My client saw her and said, "Oh my God, that OUTFIT! Well, I suppose it's now obvious why she's so miserable."

Along with no dress sense, the woman also had a really big butt. Classic over-exaggerated pear shape. As my client and I watched, Yellow Audi Whore disappeared into the Reebok Core Board class.

My client suggested I try and "kill her with kindness."

"When she comes out of the class, say that you're sorry she felt that her schedule took priority over behaving properly in a parking lot," she suggested.

But then it dawned on me that I could do better without having to use the words "I'm sorry."

When the class ended and she came out, I went up to her and said, "Hey, listen, I just wanted to say, I'm really glad you took that parking space. I had no idea you were going to the Core Board class and CLEARLY (I made a sweeping gesture of her lower half at this part) you needed that class."

The woman didn't get it! She went on and on, justifying her actions! So I repeated myself, this time exaggerating my gestures. "Yes, well, I completely understand now. I mean, you REALLY needed that class..."

She still was clueless! Finally she pats me on the arm and says, "No hard feelings...!"

Duh. Okay, idiot.

As soon as the woman left, my client burst into a fit of giggles. "I can't BELIEVE she didn't get it at all! What a waste of a great insult."

Oh well. Hopefully she'll be driving along in that hideously tacky Audi and it'll dawn on her that she's totally stupid.

The again, probably not.

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