Today we had to venture out to FedEx. AM, one of my coworkers offered to drive because my car was parked in the garage about a mile away. So off we go and after driving in circles, we finally found it.
"You go in and I'll just wait here," AM said.
"Okay!" I jumped out of the car and entered the FedEx office.
**BeepBeep!** the door chimed as I entered. I looked around and there was no one to be seen anywhere. Finally I see a blond girl outside the back door smoking. She must have suddenly noticed that she had a customer because she started waving, took a few more drags off her cigarette and came rushing in.
I took a step back as she approached me. She REEKED!! And she had her blond hair pulled back as tightly as possible, big gold hoop earrings and drawn-on eyebrows and lips. I wondered which trailer she came out of?
After about 10 minutes of Trailer Girl's klicketty-klacking on the computer, I looked outside and saw a cop pull up behind AM, lights flashing. **Wop! wop!** He made his siren sound to indicate that she should move.
Finally I was done and went out to the curb to wait for AM To return. A few minutes later she rounded the corner and pulled up. "I saw a Papa Gino's on the other side of the square. Do you want to grab lunch there?"
"Sure!" I said. We found a parking space without incident and went inside to join a squinty, very loud old woman on a cane, a couple of girls who looked like the younger version of the FedEx girl, and behind the counter, a little old woman who was about 4 feet tall.
As AM and I were deciding what to order, Squinty Loud Oldy says to me, "Can I bum your two young arms?"
I looked at her, "What?"
"Can I bum your two young arms?" she repeated, raising her voice. Heads started to turn.
"For what?" I asked.
"To open the doors for me!" she shouted, half smiling.
"Okay," I said. AM was trying not to laugh.
I opened the doors and waited for her to go through them. Before she got out the second set of doors, she let out this tribal kamikaze "Yaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhh...!" and slowly hobbled through the doors.
After she left, I went back into the Papa Gino's and looked at AM. She wasn't even trying to hide her laugher. So we both burst into hysterics, going, "Yaaaaghhhhh!" when we reached for napkins. "Yaaaaaghhhh!" when we got in her car.
I guess it's crazy in the outer areas of Boston! And people wonder why I cringe when I have to go to the Stop & Shop down the street from my office...!!
There's no place like home... there's no place like home...