January 22nd, 2005


"You two have issues."

What is it about snow in the weather forecast that brings out the nutbag-side in people?? This morning I decided to stop at the grocery store for a few things and expected to have it be a little crowded. What I did not expect was to witness two soccer mom's fighting over a shopping cart.

Oh yes.

I arrived at Shaw's and parked about 65325 miles from the store itself because the lot was so packed. Once I finally made it into the foyer I discovered there were no carts or baskets, as did the woman who entered at the same time I did. We both did an about-face and went to hunt down carts outside. Not surprisingly, there were none.

"Well," I sighed, "if I find a cart first, I'll share it with you."

The woman laughed. "Same here."

Unsuccessful after a few minutes I called over to the woman, "This is hopeless. I'm going home."

"Me too," she said. "Drive safe!"

As I began heading towards my car, I noticed two women frantically running down two parallel rows. Both of them crossed between cars and grabbed at a lone cart at the same time. One had the front handle, the other the narrower end.

"I saw it first!" One woman shrieked.

"No," the other objected, her voice shrill. "It's mine!"

"Let GO!" The first woman insisted.

"Get off!," The second shook her head.

As the two of them yanked the cart back and forth, I got closer. I paused when I was a few feet away. Mind you, it's that Most Wonderful Time of the Month for me, so my patience (and not to mention my inhibitions) was at a record low.

I folded my arms and said, "You two have issues."

They both stopped the tug of war to look at me. "What??" The first woman snapped.

"Look at yourselves," I said. "You two idiots are fighting over a shopping cart."

They continued to stare at me blankly, then looked back at each other.

"GIVE ME THE CART!" The second woman shouted.

"IT'S MINE...!" The first woman jerked the cart out of the other woman's hands, causing her to lurch forward, desperately groping for it again.

I shook my head and got into my car. Crazy Suburban Soccer Moms.

This post was brought to you live from the bedroom of deciding! That's right... come hell or Suburban Soccer Mom fights (oh, and 2 feet of snow), I would never miss one of Aimee's parties!