Ugh, how embarrassing. I went to the Stop & Crap to by a few things and dump out some change into the Coin Star. My coins were rolled, but I figured, "eh, I've had these things sitting here for so long and I've never bothered going to the bank, so I might as well get rid of it while shopping..."
So I grabbed a bunch of rolls, a random bag of change and went off to the store. Before I did my shopping, I went to the big Coin Star machine that was behind the newspaper racks and next to the scratch tickets machine. I grabbed a handful of rolls, peeled 'em back and dumped the money into the slot.
**clunk clunk clunk**
While the machine gobbled my change, I looked at the crumpled wrappers in my hands. $45.50. Wow.
Then the clunking noises stopped. I looked up. The screen flashed this message:
**CANNOT COMPLETE THIS TRANSACTION! PLEASE SEE A STORE EMPLOYEE. DON'T WORRY, YOUR COINS ARE SAFE!**
My ass they were "safe." Every homeless person on earth was over there, trolling the floors for discarded scratch tickets. There was this one elderly man in a dirty beige coat with an equally dirty bushy beard that had paced around, muttering to himself the whole time I was there. He read my screen and added to his muttering, "yeahyeah, your coins are safe, missy... you go get a cashier..."
Oh, yeah, right. So he could stick his hands in the machine?
So I waved to a store clerk who was happening by. "Oh, no," she said. "That machine broke 3 days ago. They were supposed to fix it. Let me get someone for you."
I thanked her and continued to stand there like an idiot. I was amazed at the number of kids that were sent over with dollar bills to get scratch tickets. "Joanna, use the first dawlah faw the top button. Use the second faw the last one in the last row..."
Finally a guy came over. "Damn, yo. See, I ain't got no key. The Coin Star man didn't leave one."
"Yeah, but I have $45 dollars in there, so I can't just go away."
"Ohhh," he said. "Okay, I'll get you someone."
I stood there like an idiot some more. Fabulous. Mind you, I was playing hooky from work. So, of course, while I'm standing there who do I see? Two coworkers checking out. They were cool though, so I called to them. When I explained why I was loitering by the ghetto Coin Star, they laughed and laughed. Then they left to return to work.
Finally a senior Stop & Crap person came over and she said, "Oh, hun. I don't know what to do, we don't have a key."
"I know," I said. "But what that machine has is $45.50 of mine. And the only reason I know that is because it was in these coin rolls."
Luckily she was able to pay me out based on my coin wrappers. How funny! What if I had dumped the plastic bag of change in first? I'd have been screwed.
While the manager was having me sign a receipt, the Scratch Ticket Vultures decended upon the Coin Star. They tried to make it look like they were looking at the newspapers, but they were clearly trying to dig out the change. No such luck, suckers. It was good and in there.
So, there you have it. I tried to use something out of laziness and it ended up being more work than if I had just stood in line at the bank.