Liz Erk (lizerk) wrote,
Liz Erk

"Fine, they'll get you for that and assault, too..."

I suppose I've gone too long without updating with some kind of "Strange Situations in the Life of Liz Erk," so today I will present you with exactly that. And I have to say, this tops even some of my most baffling experiences.

Sunday night I returned home from an awesome trip to Las Vegas with Deb:

While we were gone there were two snowstorms, dumping a cumulative of well over a foot. To add to that it also rained, so the top of the snow was covered in ice. I decided to go to my house Monday instead because there was no way my little Sentra was going to go through the snow into my driveway, plus there's an overnight on-street parking ban in my town.

Monday at noon I returned home to this:

I parked my car in the street in a snowbank to the right of my driveway and got to work. About 2 hours later I had made some progress:

15 minutes after I took that photo I was getting closer to the end of the driveway. Cars and trucks went back and forth along the road, all of which passed my car with zero incident.

Until the Black Honda.

I looked up and saw a black Honda approach my car from my right side, I was facing out towards the road. The car then turned into the driveway directly across from my car. I watched it pull part way into the driveway and stop, so I resumed shoveling.

A few seconds later I heard crunching snow as the car began to slowly back out of the driveway. I looked up and saw it back up towards my car, pull forward, then back up again. I figured the car might be having trouble backing out with my car there, so I put my shovel down and fished my keys out of my jeans pocket.

As I walked over towards my car, I saw the black Honda continue to back up and get close to my car.


"You have got to be kidding me!" I shouted as I ran through the snow to the cars.

As I got closer I recognized the Honda driver as the woman who lived across the street. I had only spoken to her once ever, about 3 years ago in regards to Gus, her neglected black cat I have been feeding for the past 3 years. After that I had briefly spoken to the woman's mother last summer to let her know Gus had a tumor on his neck. They did nothing about it, however, and the tumor is now just under the size of a golf ball.

I looked at my car with the corner of her right rear bumper embedded in my driver's side door.

"Hey!" I said as I peered in her passenger window.

She was on her cell phone and glanced at me, then pulled forward.

"HEY!" I shouted insistently.

The woman opened her passenger window and said, "You shouldn't have been parked there." She then began to back up again.

"What?" I said incredulously. "My car's parked fine! I was standing right there, shoveling. I would have moved it if you asked! That's why I was coming over here in the first place."

"I didn't know it was your car," she said and then closed her window. She continued to back up, this time getting close to my rear bumper.

"STOP!" I yelled at her. "I'll move it, you're gonna hit it again."

She continued to talk on her phone and back up.


"Are you insane?" I yelled at her as she scraped the corner of my back bumper and then pulled forward.

She stopped her car about 10 feet away on the opposite side of the street. Then she opened her door and stood halfway out of the car.

"I didn't know it was your car, it was blocking my driveway," she yelled at me.

"Okay you don't think the owner's looking, so you hit it?" I yelled back, astonished. "How could you not know it's my car? It's been in my driveway for 3 years!"

"You shouldn't have parked there," she said, getting back into her car.

"So wait, now you're gonna leave??" I asked.

"I have to go pick up my son," she replied. Then she paused and said over her shoulder, "B*tch."

"Whatever, c*nt!" I promptly retorted. I know, I know... not the most mature move on my part.

She got out of the car and walked towards me. "What did you call me?"

"You called me a bitch," I replied simply.

I did not expect what happened next. The woman continued to walk towards me and then shoved me backwards with both hands on my shoulders. I slipped and one leg flew up as I fell into the side of my car, hitting my back and head.

Regaining my balance, I stood up and looked at her. "Are you serious??" I asked.

She was about 2 or 3 inches taller than me and had on a black pair of Nicole Ritchie glasses, you know, the kind that take up half your face? She got her face really close to mine, nearly nose to nose. I just stared back at her.

"Call 9-1-1!" I heard a woman's voice yell from down the street. "She just assaulted you, I saw the whole thing!"

The woman's mother emerged from the driveway, "Come on, Alex," she said. "She just wants to make trouble."

"I was shoveling my driveway!" I protested. "She hit my car! How was I making trouble?"

Alex began to walk away and her mother offered to pick up her son.

"No, I'll get him," Alex said, getting back into her car.

"So you're just gonna leave?" I asked, stunned. "I'm calling the police. You're leaving the scene of an accident."

"Go ahead," she said haughtily and got into her car.

"Fine, they'll get you for that and assault, too."

Alex drove away.

"Get the license plate number!" The female voice from down the road shouted, this time growing closer. "Did you call 9-1-1?"

I turned to see my down the street neighbor Theresa approaching.

"I'm dialing right now," I replied. "Oh my God, did you see that?"

"Yes! Did you get the license plate number?"

"Well, she has to come back," I said. "She lives there."

"That's your neighbor?" she gasped.

I dialed 9-1-1 and waited for the police to show up. In the meantime, Theresa went home to get her baby and scarf so she could walk to get her other children.

I stood in the road and surveyed the small dent and black scratches on my car. A few minutes later a police car pulled up and a blond female officer got out.

I explained what happened and admitted to calling Alex the "C" word.

"You dropped the 'C bomb,' eh?" She chuckled.

"I know," I sighed. "Not the most mature thing to do. I really never expected her to shove me."

I was about completed with my side of the story when Theresa returned. She gave her account, right as Alex's mother came outside.

"You shouldn't have been blocking our driveway," she said to me.

"I'm on the side of the road," I replied. "Cars have been going back and forth for 2 hours with no problem."

"You're legally parked," the officer informed me. She then turned to Alex's mother, "What's your daughter's name?"

"Alexandra," she answered.

"Is Alexandra having a bad day?" The officer asked her.

"No," she replied.

The officer thanked Theresa for her statement and sent her on her way. I resumed shoveling while the officer waited for Alex to return home.

A few minutes later Alex pulled up. The officer walked over as Alex sent her son into the house with her mother. The officer and Alex spoke for about 10 minutes, then the officer came over to me as Alex went into her house.

The officer explained that Alex had a completely different story than Theresa and me, saying that she thought my car belonged to my neighbor's mother and that I shoved her, too.

"What??" I exclaimed.

"Yeah," she shook her head. "She's clearly lying and the witness's story completely matches yours. You're well within your right to press charges, you know. I'm going to cite her with leaving the scene of an accident, too."

I told the officer that I would think about it. After all, it's my neighbor and though I'd been living here for going on 5 years, I'd never met her and I didn't really want to have trouble with her.

The officer told me I could give her a call the next day to discuss what I'd like to do. I thanked her for her help and resumed shoveling. Two hours went by and I half expected Alex to come out and apologize. She never did.

I'm kind of debating on whether or not to press charges. I still can't believe this happened and here it is, two days later and still no apology or anything. The officer said Alex has no prior record, so who knows what drove her to attack me.

I found out from my next door neighbor that Alex is a local teacher (!!!!) and has been under a lot of stress. Still!!! I've had a lot of stress in my day, as most of you know, but I've never gone around hitting cars and shoving the neighbors.

So that's that. Another day in the life of Liz Erk. I wonder what it is about me that beckons, "Come all ye crazy..."

Oh well.


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  • Passion of the Crisis

    Everyone's 'favorite' "If-You're-Different-Than-Me-I-Hate-You" Ranter is back! Mel Gibson is currently filming for his role as The…

  • A New Breed of Gangs

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