Liz Erk (lizerk) wrote,
Liz Erk
lizerk

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"I never expected anything more than your friendship and I ended up loving you..."

M and I finally talked yesterday. Granted, it wasn't a long conversation because after not really seeing him live in 4 weeks, he had a pretty good indication that things weren't there. And, as I'd hoped, he'd begun to move on.

However, he was upset with me, and rightfully so. I kinda hid out from him. Maybe not so much him, but I was hiding from something. At any rate, he knew I'd bolted.

I was a little annoyed though because when I'd tried to explain to him that I think I need to be with a woman long term, he told me I'm confusing myself because I don't sit still.

I was like, "huh?"

"You think you have to be with a woman because that's the only crowd you run with. You're kinda inflenced by the community you surround yourself by," he said.

"What??" I was stunned. "I surround myself with that crowd because it's who I want to be with. I feel like I'm at home with them..."

This kind of debate went back and forth for a while. Then he started telling me about a girl he'd met (who's an HW member) named Leila. I was glad to hear this because he totally deserves someone who can be there 100%.

Then he and I started discussing Monica and he got pissy, mostly because of my upcoming spontaneous trip to Chicago. I guess he feels miffed that I haven't been able to make time for him, yet I'm flying out somewhere to spend a weekend with a girl I hardly know.

Well, I didn't quite understand how to explain that one to him. I tried and he still wasn't getting it.

We ended up arguing slightly and that was that.

Then this morning we chatted briefly over AIM. He mistook a few things I'd said and thought I was saying that despite everything, I still wanted to pursue something with him. So he said, "I can't date you now."

*sigh*

I felt like saying "DUH! What part of 'I need to be with women right now' don't you understand??"

Of course, I said no such things and just tried to explain what I was feeling.

The end result was him saying that he really wants to be close with me like before we got together. He misses the way we used to talk about everything. Then he threw me with, "I never expected anything more than your friendship and I ended up loving you. I gotta get to work on a press release. We'll talk later. xo."

My eyes welled up with tears. Can we say I'm so NOT focused on my work today??
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