Liz Erk (lizerk) wrote,
Liz Erk

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Just got exactly what I needed. I've been going absolutely insane with waiting to hear from Matrix. M called and asked if I'd like to go for a ride after he got home from work and I was psyched.

We rode for over an hour, but halfway through we stopped to watch the sun set over Boston. It was cool... the moon was already out, the sky a fading blend of blue, pink, purple, gray...

It was nice to just sit and talk with him. I've been so stressed out these past few months with the job situation. He's been amazingly supportive and understanding.

Plus tonight he said some really sweet things-- about how he can sense that I'm still uncertain about so many issues. He's got that right. The boy's quite astute! : )

As we sat together, it was nice to be so calm and at peace. I know that eventually I'll be with the one I'm meant for. But it's so tough sometimes. There are moments where I hate being bi. This evening was one of 'em.

It's not even so much that I dislike being gay, I just hate the emotional element of it at times. Most bi women I know are what I'd classify as "trendy bi's." Meaning they are bi because they like to sleep with women, not because they'd care to have a relationship with one.

But then I meet a lot of lesbians who give me a hard time about it. They'll say, "Oh, you just can't admit you're a lesbian. You're a sell-out..."

I've almost knocked a few of those bitches' teeth in. Yeah, like they know so much about what it's like to be me.

So, it's just rough. It gets me down. I meet so many amazing people and get pulled in way too many directions.

Oh well, tonight's not the night to get into heavy thinking with myself. For once I'm too tired. : ) I should go on evening bike rides more often.

And dammit! Matrix better call tomorrow...!

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